Tip 16 | Indifference

Indifference is a quiet relationship killer. Indifference is the opposite of both love and hate. Indifference says you place no value on a person, a thing, or event and therefore are not willing to expend any emotion. An indifferent spouse will block attempts to have a serious discussion with a distracting movie, video games, extra time at work, or making the attempt at discussion a problem.  An indifferent spouse will block attempts for enjoyment by pointing out the cost, having no time, or pointing out problems until there is no chance for an enjoyable event.

Matthew 11:16-19 “But to what shall I liken this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their companions, and saying:

‘We played the flute for you, And you did not dance;
We mourned to you, And you did not lament.’

For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ But wisdom is justified by her children.”

Long ago I worked with a woman who appeared indifferent. She did little outside of work and didn’t take care of herself. Then came the divorce. A few months later she had her hair done, started going out the evenings, and worked on her attitude. I quietly thought – wow if she had made half of these positive changes while she was married I wonder if she’d have gotten divorced.

A lack of purpose breeds indifference.

A healthy marriage has purpose. When a couple is focused on working out the Will of God in their life there is no room for indifference. When you are serving others, helping the poor, making peace, working hard on a business, being an active member of Team God you have beautiful purpose.

The cure for indifference is suffering

Don’t complain about the indifference of your spouse. Start living the Will of God in your life and invite them to serve others with you.

God hates indifference. God’s counsel to the indifference of the Church of Laodicea was “to buy from God gold refined in the fire”. What does that mean? Gold is a symbol of things that have eternal value as Gold does not rust. Refined in the fire means suffering. If you want to regain a purpose, then be prepared to lose the things you falsely value and through suffering gain something of eternal value. When you are parents you’ll likely experience a child who takes their nice bed, their good food, and their allowance for granted. You’ll also experience the joy as they move out on their own and start to suffer but gain the eternal Gift of Thankfulness.

I recommend the movie “The Ultimate Gift”.

Revelation 3:15-18 “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.  You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.  I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.”